i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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