think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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