he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
