and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
