He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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