Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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