The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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