We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
