wake up i wanna do it froggy style
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
