Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We don't watch enough power rangers
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
