I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
