And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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