having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
