if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
