fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
