So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
