and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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