Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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