I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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