my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
