Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
