shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
