did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
