We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You made out with two different species that night
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
