THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
