Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
