hell yes lets make some ravioli
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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