On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
