Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
