we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize