census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
