If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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