i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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