for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
