you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
