His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
