Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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