i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize