I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize