she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
