I hate your face
I can text with my tongue
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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