you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
