Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
