There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
