i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
