They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
