Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
