You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
