I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
