piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
