oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
