Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
