are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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