Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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