You're my little dorito
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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