I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
