i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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