my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
