Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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