I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
