Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
