No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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