Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
