I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
