Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
