my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
