My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
