Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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