the condom got lost in my hair
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize