when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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