omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
