Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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