The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Everything about him screamed your future.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
