I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
