Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
