turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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