the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize