i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Randomize
