M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
