My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
