I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize