I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
