trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
