the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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