were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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