Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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