omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
