There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
