she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize