Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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