I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
