I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
