Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
