What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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