wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
