hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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