Sry I called you an 8
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
