Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I have grass duct taped all over my body
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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