awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
