Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
