Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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